0 out of 10 – alan williamson

Momentum (2015)

If I was to tell you that this movie took in a whopping £46 in its opening weekend in the UK, you would start to get a feel for the quality of this movie. We have ex-Bond girl,

Olga Kurylenko playing the mouse to

James Purefoy cat, in a heist goes wrong sort of movie.

Set in South Africa, we have all the usual setups, corny and cliche as you could possibly make them. Though in its defense there is no nudity here, which given they hit every other one, that is a small surprise.

What is even more horrendous and to be quite frank unforgivable is

Morgan Freeman making an appearance as a politician who is implicated in this disaster (on so many fronts). Clearly though he was picking up a pay cheque here, because all of his scenes are at the end of a phone. So hopefully that new kitchen he was decking out was worth it.

Purefoy has probably the worse ever haircut in any of his movies ever. Surely he can’t look back on this and think, that’s one for the grandchildren? It is a mess from start to finish.

I really don’t want to go on just how bad this movie is. I have already wasted way more of my life on this one as it stands. It gets my infamous 0 out of 10 rating.

#95 in the series

Viewing Date
Saturday, 21st November 2015 (Richmond)

Rating
0/10

IMDB YouTubeTrailer

Plastic (2014)

I will confess that this one was an impulse watch on Netflix. Sometimes the odd gem pops up on Netflix that missed all the usual marketing hype. This isn’t one of them.

Here we have a bunch of college students, who are apt at acquiring credit cards through fair means or foul and then spending on them before the card is canceled. Sometimes a good cast can make a bad story good, but even here, we have a B-players simply turning up and reading their lines. You have enough faces here that you think, where have I seen him before?

Ed Speleers (from Downton Abbey),

Alfie Allen (from Game of Thrones),

Will Poulter (from We’re the Millers) and

Emma Rigby (from Hollyoaks) all providing the central gang members. There is no dynamics between them, nothing that would make you want to root for them.

Of course, inevitably they run a foul of the local gangster who tasks them for acquiring a huge haul of money in a very short space of time or be killed. They have a bright idea, of heading over to Miami in Florida (by the way the movie is set in London by in large). They look to suck dry the credit cards of the big whales that have been identified for their heavy spending.

That all goes wrong in the usual predictability that has you rolling your eyes so they turn their attention to acquire diamonds from a local deal, posing as a wealthy Arabian prince.

Graham McTavish, who I can only imagine was bored between Outlander seasons, plays the diamond merchant they con to coming over to London with the diamonds.

I mean the whole thing is just stupid on so many levels, the fact I am writing this much about it, only serves as a warning to others who may find themselves going down this path unaware of the sheer futility of it. For that reason, I am giving it my second only ever 0 out of 10 rating.

Viewing Date
Thursday, 29th October 2015 (San Francisco, Marriott)

Rating
0/10

IMDB YouTubeTrailer

A Few Best Men (2011)

Olivia Newton-John, what were you thinking when you signed up for this script? What is an actress of your gravitas and legendary status doing in this disaster of a movie that invokes memories of the Sex lives of the Potato Men with its below toilet humor. Tell me there was a nasty tax bill you had to find some cash for and this was the best option next to selling off signed memorabilia?

This movie came with a great pedigree with writer Dean Craig who penned the excellent Death at a Funeral
farce (coincidentally also staring

Kris Marshall). In other words there is simply no excuse for this train wreck of a movie.

Being made in Australia, we have the usual Australian thespians rolled out in various cameo roles to try and convince us this movie is better than it is. If you are someone that is convinced Clark Kent and Superman are two completely different people after he puts on the glasses, then you are going to love the plot twists and happy situations these group of people get themselves into. If on the other hand you are not fooled by that clever disguise, then you are going to see everything coming as if you had written the script yourself.

There simply is nothing funny or amusing about this movie. We have a sheep that eats the local drug lord condom filled cocaine, that then of course results in the group deciding to feed the prize sheep with laxatives and then inserting their arm elbow deep to extract said packets. Oh how we laughed.

We have our wonderful 1970′s Sandy, taking a line of cocaine and proceeding to make a fool of herself in the wedding (to which the whole story is based around). You can actually see her dignity dying, live, on screen.

We have

Pitch Perfect’s Fat Amy, Rebel Wilson, playing the fat (pretending to be a lesbian to piss her father off) sister. Even her scenes, cannot save this utter waste of everyone’s time. She doesn’t even look interested as she delivers her lines.

The only good thing I can honestly say about this movie, it does eventually end, 90 minutes later. The torture does stop and while I was willing to give up on the movie 20 minutes into it, I was determined to stick it out to the bitter end. I had to prove to myself I could handle this much pain.

If you really want to watch this movie, then do yourself a favour, watch the trailer and extrapolate from the 2 minutes, because the other 88 minutes you are missing out on, will offer no more clarity or entertainment.